The Moment You Throw Your Heart Away

I can’t remember the day when I started feeling tough, I can’t really recall those days I was a little girl, so found of happiness and love. I can’t remember when I have decided not to get too much attachment to people and not to care. I can’t remember. But I know I have decided to throw my heart away. In times I feel like I need to go back time and get were I place and throw my heart. I wanted somehow to collect all the pieces of my heart that I have thrown away. But again I thought that I have thrown my heart for a reason, I become this way for a much bigger reason and I know it’s for the goodness of myself. Yes, I am numb, apathetic to others and I am frank…I tell people what I think was right and must. I am strict and I only believe in second chances, I am more logical than instinctive. I am more idealistic and somehow more morale. I mad myself, strong, tough, wise, emotionless, positive and independent. I polish those skills so I can live alone and I can depend on myslef more. That is the reason why I throw my heart away, because I am afraid to lose myself in loving and caring. I don’t trust human capabilities to stay and love someone. I don’t believe in people’s feelings because I myself once have been foolish and stupid and it didn’t get well in handling people. Now I believe I am wise and tested through times. I may wish to have those feelings, to reach out for people and to show someone I love them, but this is the path that I am taking now, and the moment you throw your heart away I guess there’s no taking back.