Never Been Better
This is definitely for you…I know you don’t like me, but you’re decent enough not to say it to my face, so here I am trying to wake myself, stepping out of your shadows and accepting my fate. If it isn’t too tacky, I would ask you a few things before I leave, but I realized that it would hurt more if I knew the reasons why you never considered me though. So let me just cut the hound and utter it out. Tell me, why?
Is it because I am ugly? Fat? Unattractive? Or am I too intolerable? Am I too demanding and too much for attention? Have I been bad to you or have I said something to offend you or turn you off?
You know what, I would definitely wished for you to answer it.
It would be beneficial for my healing, and for me it wouldn’t add insult to injury if I knew how unlikable I am, somehow it can help me wake up from the self I think is good enough.
I feel so insecure right now to every girl who gathers up your attention…I never felt fear and defeat this way, to be honest, and I have to gather up myself because you never really considered the things I can do, and not choosing me means missing out on the great moments that I can make memorable. I’m pretty sweet you know I guess you can never see it superficially into me, I like to surprise, but I guess all these surprises I was thinking of giving you would just be reserved for someone who will appreciate it.
I am not bitter, if that is what you think, and this is not me being defensive for so, I just want you to know that I am okay with you not liking me, sure it’s painful for now somehow, but I know one day I’m going to wake up and just laugh about it because I’m going to wake up with someone better at my side. Beside I started everything for a simple childly joke so probably better end it with a side joke as well.
I like you, but I don’t love you. Love is so much different from like, I am infatuated by you for a hundred of attentions I put into you, but my feelings aren’t that strong to roll in the deep despair of losing you.
Sure we could have had it all, but having it all with you isn’t my fate. I know I am good enough for someone who can see who I am, with every baggage I carry on my shoulders, and I am certain that with your baggage right now you have this that and those, you can’t handle mine too. So yeah, I hope you find someone who can jive in with you naturally.
Maybe you’ve gotten too complacent with my feelings and you’ve lost the challenge of having me because you knew that I am yours, almost. I guess I am never a challenge to you most guys would love challenges though so maybe your one of those guys. Well, thank you…thank you for not seeing me as a lady but a child. I am mad of you being so good at me, giving me false hope, saying sweet things to me making me think somehow you’ll fall for me too. Well, definitely some would appreciate that kindness you’ve shown but for me it’s not…I hated it.
I am a bundle of joy (and drama sometimes) but mostly I laugh at small crazy things that you may think corny and crazy, and as I am writing these, it comes to me one by one, how uptight you are with your life and how I am judging you right now~ Hehe. It’s funny how I can laugh about this now while last night I was really sad about it.
Yes, I am sad, insecure and somehow so negative about having you…because I know I can’t be the girl you will like not now and not in the near future… not forever. It makes me sad how much you care for me not to get hurt but the thing your kindness kills me each day…giving me more pretentious smile to make my day work.
I know I made this game so long, I somehow thought I couldn’t fell anything somehow but I feel jealous, annoyed and depressed when someone approaches you and you delightly approached them too ‘coz I know I am too far away from the line of choice. Yes, I maybe pathetic but I never consider myself unlucky…maybe this isn’t my time and you aren’t the one. This is what I am thankful instead maybe God is preparing me for someone great and more than you… or maybe still I am just paying my dept form Mr. Karma surely I have lots of paying moments to do.
So chill, I am not the person who plants grudge and do revenge for not being wanted, That would just be awful, but let me tell you this; at this moment…you being good to me is… NEVER BEEN BETTER.