Dear New Girl

He is an ideal guy; he is the guy most girls would want. He is responsible, intelligent, loyal and serious.  He is the perfect husband to be with, a perfect man that makes you sleep well at night. He always has plans and goals and that’s what the best about him is. He loves music and he sings well, if he sings in front of you seems flowers are blooming.  He gets jealous easily but don’t get mad it’s just he is afraid that you will be snatched away from him. He does make corny jokes sometimes and just laugh with it, if he laugh just laugh along with him. If you got an argument be the one to loosen your pride and talk to him, it’s just he is too shy or seems he doesn’t want to express his feelings well.  Never get disappointed if he doesn’t tell he love u everyday it’s just he is really like that but he treasured you a lot. If he tells you he is in love with you then he really is, he isn’t that showy as other guys do he doesn’t like PDA but he is so sweet and childish if it just the two of you. He likes songs a lot, and he wants to compose his own just go along with what he like I’m sure you’ll get used to it. He is simple, shy and thoughtful and the best in him is he will love you with all his heart. Always tell him you love him, and always call or text him so he wouldn’t feel his alone. He doesn’t like eating fast food he love home cook meals so learned to cook well. He takes a bath almost 3 times a day so don’t be surprised. Never compare him to anybody he hates that.   When things go wrong between you both hold on, he is a fine descent man and you wouldn’t find someone like him.  Love him with all your heart and make him happy,always be with him all the time.


You let go of My Hand First

You let go of My Hand First

I believe in love, I believe how amazing it is putting two people together among those billions of people around the globe we are given a chance to meet someone who is willing to spend the rest of their lives with us.  That is not just it, for with love we can feel that we are the happiness person living, it give us hope, courage and strength to do things and overcome our fears. That how amazing love is.  

I was once in love, in love with the ideal person, for me he is the perfect guy and until now he is still the perfect guy. I love his responsible attitude, his loyalty and his intelligence. For me he was the perfect husband to be.  We have this blissful relationship before and for me everything was so perfect and I was like living into a fairytale or in a dream. But as other relationships would go we have so many ups and downs, confusions and insecurities, doubts and jealousy.  But we still able to manage to be strong and hold on, we have lots of arguments, lots of breakups but still we even manage to find our way back with each othesr side.  I am neither perfect nor a good girlfriend but I was always willing to give up, to change and do something for our relationship even I lost my own pride. But time came we both cant hold it on anymore, lots of hurtful words came out and he let go of my hand.  I believe he was mad that night keeping lots of arguments comparing him, and saying something but I only did that to make our relationship better. On that night on I decided not to reach for his hand anymore, I got tired and I realize that if a person truly loves you, he will never let go of your hand easily and he will always keep believing in you no matter how hard the situation or argument you both are into.  Also, if the person really cares for the relationship he won’t cut it so easily.  It is just relationships are likely finger nails if it grows cut the nails not the finger, if its in love cut the misunderstanding and not the relationship.

Now I’m happy, happy for this new journey, a new chapter to begin with. A new happiness and excitement awaits for me in this new book of my life. I may not know where or how my life would go through but now. I am glad I didn’t reach out his hands again for a hundred times.  Now I am starting to live by myself no shadow of him and opening my heart to someone who will reach out his hands for me.  Willing to know me more inside and out and is willing to do what it takes to keep our relationship strong and won’t let go of my hand for such a damn stupid argument.  If you didn’t let go of my hand I wouldn’t find someone like him, so thanks by the way.

You let go of me first, I want to hold on but I realize I always keep holding on now I’ll let go everything about us.  Just don’t put any grudges into me because I once love you than anyone else even myself. 




“I screw up being your friend, I screw more being best friend but I screw most being a lover to you long time ago. “

You were something special to me ever since we met, we always come up crazy and funny things together and it never is dull when we are together. You always has been the sun in my life who brightens up my gloomy day and lightens up my heavy load..that’s why I am grateful to have  a best friend like you.

Our relationship screwed up a lot of times and somehow we still manage to get some broken pieces of us before, so I am telling you what is happening to us now.

REUSE, we choose to forget the past…we choose to move on and think that moment when we felt something seems so real between us is just part of a teenage feeling. So, we step out of the shadow of uncertainty about the feeling of being in love from the start and use what was really real into us and it is we are friends…best friends. We use again that endearment of ours as best friends and be just best friends without much of a confusion. I’m glad we reconsider everything.

REDUCE, we become best friends but we never then become best…we reduce the contact and the closeness we once have in the first place. Even I may say we reuse the friendship once we have there is a difference between now and before. Reducing maybe a good idea somehow it slowly helps us to move on and be more aware of the closeness we have and not to fall again. But I miss the old us, I miss how close we were and how much I would want to tell you everything and nag at you over the phone from my life dramas. Trust me my love miseries was all worth it because I have you to comfort me as always. I so sometimes thought before having a broken heart is a present because I know every moment I fall down you’re always there to help me. I miss that so badly.

RECYCLE, this is what I always wanted for us. But I don’t know which part of our live s should I recycle and start over again and I am not even sure if we can recycle our relationship because even how much I look at it from side to side it never isn’t going to work we never really move on to the pain I inflicted into you before. We are broken because of our own proceedings and yet we try and manage to reuse what’s life into us…but we reduce the things that once intact us and trying to recycle it would probably just a dream for me.

I wish healing a broken heart is like proper waste management…we can reuse, reduce and recycle it but it isn’t that easy and it isn’t that fast to forget and forgive and to be cautious again. Loving and maintaining a relationship is hard…harder than anyone would have thought it would be. 

The Moment You Throw Your Heart Away

I can’t remember the day when I started feeling tough, I can’t really recall those days I was a little girl, so found of happiness and love. I can’t remember when I have decided not to get too much attachment to people and not to care. I can’t remember. But I know I have decided to throw my heart away. In times I feel like I need to go back time and get were I place and throw my heart. I wanted somehow to collect all the pieces of my heart that I have thrown away. But again I thought that I have thrown my heart for a reason, I become this way for a much bigger reason and I know it’s for the goodness of myself. Yes, I am numb, apathetic to others and I am frank…I tell people what I think was right and must. I am strict and I only believe in second chances, I am more logical than instinctive. I am more idealistic and somehow more morale. I mad myself, strong, tough, wise, emotionless, positive and independent. I polish those skills so I can live alone and I can depend on myslef more. That is the reason why I throw my heart away, because I am afraid to lose myself in loving and caring. I don’t trust human capabilities to stay and love someone. I don’t believe in people’s feelings because I myself once have been foolish and stupid and it didn’t get well in handling people. Now I believe I am wise and tested through times. I may wish to have those feelings, to reach out for people and to show someone I love them, but this is the path that I am taking now, and the moment you throw your heart away I guess there’s no taking back.


What to do?

He is online, and he liked my status which is hours ago.

Does it mean he’s checking on my account?

He used to like my stat and when he do, I would chat him and thank him, it’s been a routine since then.

But I stopped I realize something, I need to stay away and act uninterested in some point.

Why? because I don’t want to assume, that there is something behind his goodness in me. I don’t want to give any gesture a deeper meaning…much more or less I don’t want to fall because I know he won’t catch me if that happens. Why I know? Well, I just know.

So, before any foolishness and drama happens I just stop…but every time I see him online and liking my stat, I sometimes think of clicking his name and chat him.

But may other part would say to choose the safe and yet boring path. What to do? Well, I just writing everything, hoping sooner or later this crushing over him will disappear.

Best way though. 🙂

Pause, Maybe You Have the Wrong Perspective

Do you have those negative feelings running into your mind? Do you think you are in a box or a room full of darkness and there’s no way to escape into? Are you trapped somehow in the past and you can’t move on? Do you feel unfortunate and thinks that all the bad luck of this world is pouring on you? Well, if that’s whats in your mind…then, PAUSE.  Then take a deep breath and think, then look around you look around the place at your normal view. The look at the crowd around, the tension on  people, the garbage and all. Frustrating right? Now find a higher place and begin to view things, maybe you’ll see birds, clouds, mountains and many more in that view. Then think again? that you are still in the same place but you see different views. That’s how we apply it to life, if you feel it’s messy then turn around and find a better and much wider perspective. Definitely you will be amazed what life really has to offer for you.

So starting from now find the light behind the walls, every room has doors and windows you can’t be into there if you didn’t use the entrance, so whatever darkness there is try to find it the door and the light…try to look things in a different perspective now for a happy and worth it life. 🙂

Look around and you will see the beauty of life.