“I screw up being your friend, I screw more being best friend but I screw most being a lover to you long time ago. “

You were something special to me ever since we met, we always come up crazy and funny things together and it never is dull when we are together. You always has been the sun in my life who brightens up my gloomy day and lightens up my heavy load..that’s why I am grateful to have  a best friend like you.

Our relationship screwed up a lot of times and somehow we still manage to get some broken pieces of us before, so I am telling you what is happening to us now.

REUSE, we choose to forget the past…we choose to move on and think that moment when we felt something seems so real between us is just part of a teenage feeling. So, we step out of the shadow of uncertainty about the feeling of being in love from the start and use what was really real into us and it is we are friends…best friends. We use again that endearment of ours as best friends and be just best friends without much of a confusion. I’m glad we reconsider everything.

REDUCE, we become best friends but we never then become best…we reduce the contact and the closeness we once have in the first place. Even I may say we reuse the friendship once we have there is a difference between now and before. Reducing maybe a good idea somehow it slowly helps us to move on and be more aware of the closeness we have and not to fall again. But I miss the old us, I miss how close we were and how much I would want to tell you everything and nag at you over the phone from my life dramas. Trust me my love miseries was all worth it because I have you to comfort me as always. I so sometimes thought before having a broken heart is a present because I know every moment I fall down you’re always there to help me. I miss that so badly.

RECYCLE, this is what I always wanted for us. But I don’t know which part of our live s should I recycle and start over again and I am not even sure if we can recycle our relationship because even how much I look at it from side to side it never isn’t going to work we never really move on to the pain I inflicted into you before. We are broken because of our own proceedings and yet we try and manage to reuse what’s life into us…but we reduce the things that once intact us and trying to recycle it would probably just a dream for me.

I wish healing a broken heart is like proper waste management…we can reuse, reduce and recycle it but it isn’t that easy and it isn’t that fast to forget and forgive and to be cautious again. Loving and maintaining a relationship is hard…harder than anyone would have thought it would be. 



Someday, you’ll find someone special again. People who’ve been in love usually do. It’s in their nature. Everybody deserves someone who makes them look forward to tomorrow. Sometimes the right person for you was there all along. You just didn’t see it because the wrong person was blocking your sight. Don’t give up on love, because there is always someone who loves you. Even if it’s not the person you were hoping for. :]

For it’s This Way

My friends would tell me I am bitter, I guess bitter in a since that I always make jokes on love and loving and when I turn serious on that matter I always tell them the probability of falling in love. I know.I don’t believe in true love, destiny or fate and whatever they call it. Yes, I am NBSB which is NO BOYFRIEND SINCE BREAK-UP.  They say I didn’t move on, well they are all wrong ’cause I don’t care about that relationship at all and it’s so suffocating.

The thing in my mind right now why I am like this, is that I tend to believe in reality than hoping for a happy ending story because of of 10 love  stories only 3 ended up luckily. So, why waste my time with that little amount of possibility when I can enjoy life and fulfill my roles.

I am not closing my doors, it’s just I am searching for some feeling, feeling that is different from sympathy, like, compassion, infatuation of any feelings somehow often mistaken as love towards someone. I am searching for a feeling that I could finally find in an individual, no matter who he maybe and what he maybe, no matter how long or how far the journey of searching that feeling may thank I am willing to gamble it all, ‘casue for me that isn’t wasting my time it’s finding real happiness and peace towards someone and falling in love genuinely I want to have that and feel it in reality. 

And for me, I love living life this way! 😀