The One You Loved

The hardest thing she until now can’t do. To move on and forget the feelings she once have. The hopes and what if she wants to for she just choose to run away. She feels so confused to the feelings she has but certain that if she just fight the love she once have it would be a great love story. Is it too late to move and fight for the love when the one you love no longer sees you the way he look at you before? Was it worth to try, to stake the one thing you cared for so long? Or is it better this way…to love in the distance? To support and see him with other woman, and smile like you ate happy for him.


5 Reasons You Should Date Someone Who Knows Your Struggle

I like the point here

Thought Catalog

Rumor has it that the most successful relationships are complementary in nature. Maybe he knows his way around a kitchen while she’s obsessively neat and organized.

I will be the first to acknowledge that relationships composed of two personalities that compliment each other in such a distinct manner are certainly ideal in many circumstances. The point of a relationship is, after-all, to find someone who “completes” you. This is because both individuals are able to make the other’s life dramatically better by virtue of the positive traits they can bring to the table.

However, this is not the case when it comes to mental health issues. Dating someone who struggles with anxiety or a mood disorder is not so easily black and white. In fact, it is a huge obstacle for couples attempting to maintain a successful relationship. This is especially true during the first few months of dating.


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Not That Girl

I’m Not That Girl


Sometimes impression last…but it takes lots of time to realize that sometimes impression aren’t that right during first. If you think I am that spoiled-brat girl, definitely I am not. If you think I am high maintenance then I’ll tell you I am not and I am way far from that. If you think I am a princess or some rich kid who gets what she wanted so easily then you are wrong…I worked my ass hard to get what I wanted.  There is a lot of my that the superficial and the thoughts running into your mind.

If you think I am snob and mean. We’ll somehow you got it right it takes effort and courage for someone to enter into my world. If you think I am not much of a talker, we’ll get to know me more I can be fun and argumentative at times and I speak what I feel and think with all honesty.

I am understanding, way too understanding that you think I don’t care at all. But believe me I care a lot than anybody else.  I usually give a frown face but that doesn’t mean I am mad all the time…I really have this habit but trust me when I smile you are one of the reason behind that.

I have that specialty of pushing people away from me, believe me it comes naturally in me so please bare it and stay.

If you think I am so much delicate and complicated. Well you are definitely wrong…I am more like a man, I don’t want to be treated as a weakling like a girl who you always look for cause you are worried…I am independent in every aspects of the way. You just don’t have to worry though all you need to do is be there for me and support me and show me you care.

But don’t think of me as numb, I have feelings too. I also get hurt and get tired of things and situations I can’t handle sometimes. I am weak and coward hiding from a knight’s armor that’s the real me inside so please look after me when you think I don’t have composure.

I say bad things, yell at things I don’t find meaning and like to disagree when I know I have a point. I like disciplining and I like helping you all the way and guiding you whenever you need me. I am the supportive and martyr type of person. Some usually call me numb and weird but I all way different to that.

I have my principles and my goals. I have loads of problems and miseries too that’s why I am like this. But I am trying to be a better person for myself and for someone who comes along the way and walk with me.

I am mean. Mean with meaning and reasons. Yes, I am logical and practical and sometimes idealistic which somehow contradicts the two qualities of me. I am different from any other girls. My sweetness and friendliness are hidden up into my sleeves and receive for someone, maybe for you.

My care and love are stored inside my heart that is for sure ready to share when the right time is straight into my face.

I am full of pride. So please don’t say stupid things such as not wanting me or wanting to get rid of me when you are mad. I might go far away from you when you say that.

I hold control with myself and my emotions so never think of me as someone who is selfish…but I am selfish to be honest. 😉

I’m much of a mother than any other ordinary girl. When I say I care I really care a lot and I devote myself for caring whatever it takes. I look for my own mistakes and fix my own mess. I am always rational on things…In ever actions you must be ready for the consequences and pay the price…this is what I am living everyday.

Your friends won’t like me for sure…but I assure you, your parents will. I am not much of the girlfriend material like some romance novel or films will do. I am the modern type of girl optimistic, fighter, brave, strong, mean, bitch, rational that your parents will love.

And you will love for the rest of your life if you. (if you are that serious enough)

Letter From The Heart

This I know From the Heart

I found this letter on one of my boxes. I used to write letters for someone before and I never have the chance to hand it on to him. So here it is


How are you?  It’s my birthday… and I guess you are so busy so you don’t have that much of time to greet me or worst you forgot about it. I misses you so badly but I just told myself I’ll never bother or need you form now on. I have to fix my emotions not needing you by my side. Yes, I am so strong and stubborn but I get so vulnerable when you’re there. Having you makes my feeling calmer…crying so hard makes me feel lighter. You are always the sun in my life before that’s why I misses you a lot.

I’ve made mistakes before…mistakes that made you go away. I told myself not to let go of you when you come back and now I am taking care of this friendship we have.

I love you…I was and I am deeply in love with you. I don’t know for sure if what kind of love it is but one thing I know it’s the love that I can sacrifice everything just to make you stay even I am just a freaking bestfriend.

I can live with this role forever as long as you won’t kick me out in your life. You mean everything to me making me think that I don’t need a boyfriend as long as you are there. I love everything about you even you aren’t that ideal man.

I like the way you smile…the way you love your bangs so much even before. I like the way you tease me and laugh at me. I like how you call me weird names and the childish act you always have.

I can’t forget the times you used to send voice messages, every time you called,  the time you told me you love me. I can’t forget every bondings we have the talks  and all.

But most of all I can’t forget the guilt and pain I have when I hurt you and let the man I love go… you don’t know how much it hurts and how much hatred I put into myself from not choosing you… if only I could bring back time. If only I could undo the decisions I’ve made. If only there is still a love left for you. If only I was brave enough. If only I was so desperate to push everything at stake. If only you let me into your heart again…if only.  That though crossed into me but I’ll never dare to push through it.

Because the thing is, I am a coward… I am logical and realistic…i hold to much on my emotions to be hidden. I have this bad habit and it keeps holding me…so I guess I’ll love you from behind then or I’ll be loving you in a different way though. Cause honestly I think this feeling is not fully in a romantic way…I still have selfish feelings behind. Maybe I just can’t move on with those complicated feelings because I still feel so guilty, you never really said anything to me, I know you are mad back then but I never hear or know any confrontations from you.


In this life things won’t always come and go…sometimes we stuck on some corner of our past wishing things we did can change this causes as not to move on. Remorse is the poison of life according to Charlotte Bronte, every remorse we have for the things we did and didn’t chain us from the past and eats up the present we have.

But for me, my worst regret is the thing I haven’t done…the thing I never put a single effort for it to work. The moment I was eaten by fear and selfishness that was the time and the biggest regret eating to me up to now. Crazy right? I haven’t moved on from that mistake…because up until now I am holding to something and hoping that it would come back even it wouldn’t. 

Dear New Girl

He is an ideal guy; he is the guy most girls would want. He is responsible, intelligent, loyal and serious.  He is the perfect husband to be with, a perfect man that makes you sleep well at night. He always has plans and goals and that’s what the best about him is. He loves music and he sings well, if he sings in front of you seems flowers are blooming.  He gets jealous easily but don’t get mad it’s just he is afraid that you will be snatched away from him. He does make corny jokes sometimes and just laugh with it, if he laugh just laugh along with him. If you got an argument be the one to loosen your pride and talk to him, it’s just he is too shy or seems he doesn’t want to express his feelings well.  Never get disappointed if he doesn’t tell he love u everyday it’s just he is really like that but he treasured you a lot. If he tells you he is in love with you then he really is, he isn’t that showy as other guys do he doesn’t like PDA but he is so sweet and childish if it just the two of you. He likes songs a lot, and he wants to compose his own just go along with what he like I’m sure you’ll get used to it. He is simple, shy and thoughtful and the best in him is he will love you with all his heart. Always tell him you love him, and always call or text him so he wouldn’t feel his alone. He doesn’t like eating fast food he love home cook meals so learned to cook well. He takes a bath almost 3 times a day so don’t be surprised. Never compare him to anybody he hates that.   When things go wrong between you both hold on, he is a fine descent man and you wouldn’t find someone like him.  Love him with all your heart and make him happy,always be with him all the time.