What it takes to wait (editing stage)

I once have this unrequited love somehow to one person close to me, he once love me too but I turned him down and the moment I realize I think I feel the same way that person has been hurt so badly by me. I was his first love I guess and the cliche I’ve been everyone’s first love and I am this heartless and playful manipulative one who never think of love as something solid. And yes, before I realize it was too late and I can’t take my pride of from turning him down…luckily that person stayed by my side even he hates me and told me he won’t trust his feelings on me again, that guy never left. I’ve been in relationships and he is so, yet we still have those moments of calmness within each other we I never felt awkward telling him my problems and long dramas. I am never brave nor strong as anyone sees me, he is the only person who I manage to take my mask off…he is the only person who knows how skeptic I get, how weak and dramatic I get but it never bothers me. All along having him is worth it than having a boyfriend. He is all I need that’s what I thought yet I never manage to tell him what I feel for him. Why? because I am confuse, even it’s clear I still am not sure if it’s romantic love and I won’t bet our friendship to risky and awkward situation on confessing my confuse feelings.  He was like the moon to me, that best guy friend who never left my side during those dark cold nights…that person who is there even dark days of my life. He’s totally my moon who shines in my darkest our that cold guy yet never leaves your side that’s him. We made a deal, we will be together if we graduate from college and still we both stay single. Yes, we graduated and both are single…something between us blooms like each of us is waiting for a certain chance to make the moment perfect that’s what I felt before. Yet I am not sure. Not sure if I am willing to let go of that certain person and go to the next line. I waited. I never confess. Then someone finally came along, that someone was a bright sunshine into my life…he brought another and bright new perspective into me. He is warm and even distance goes between I can still feel how warm he can be. That person was definitely the sun and even brighter than the sun that’s him. And for that short period of time knowing the sun I fall for him and that was a sure thing no doubts and no hesitation, it was clear as the bright blue sky. Being with him is the best thing ever happened into me and I am glad I waited for the moon, if I never waited and become impulsive of what I feel maybe I won’t able to meet the sun and I won’t be this happy right now. So for young people out there…just wait for the right moment, wait till fate leads you to someone, somehow we will meet several people along the way who will touch our hearts, people who seems perfectly in us people we might think as of the one. But believe me, trust your feelings, the right guy will come and you just know actually both know you are for each other. You’ll definitely feel it somehow.


To The Best Friend I Once Have Before

Things between us might have change a lot now, I know I am the main reason why things between us changes. From the start I am the one who made a huge mistake, I am the one who’s been a coward and O am the one who’s been indecisive yet you are there all  along, your presence never makes me lonely…not even a single bit and I am grateful to have a special person like you. Lucky me. Not having a relationship when everyone has never concerns me, believe me all those years I am contented of having you..only you. Thank you for all the long years of being with me, the times when I was down and lonely, those moments you encourage and protect me from choosing a boyfriend I appreciate and I will cherish them all. I know I am not the most special person in your life right now and you are not in me too. Things has greatly change we both have our special people to cherish and I understand because I am the first one to let go. Thank you so much for everything for being my bestfriend for a very lone time for being my emotional pillow and my energy…being my inspiration and being there to guide me for choosing the right guy. You will always be my special friend and that won’t change. Thank you for letting me hold into you until I found him. Thank you for everything even now.

Happy Birthday 🙂

Happy First Month babe

Happy Monthsary 😃

Hey Babe! Yehey we did it we lasted a month! I know we don’t get to see each other much. But being apart for now doesn’t change the way I feel about you in my heart. Sure I’m lonely, and sometimes I’m overwhelmed with this emptiness. But, just remember that I love you and everything about you. That’s what gets me through every minute of every day that I’m without you. I long to hold you and feel your love. I hope that we can turn it into another month or even years in the future, and I know it isn’t possible. Babe thank you for loving me, and for staying so cool and understanding even I have lots of unwanted attitudes into you. Thank you for being this so patient and so sweet boyfriend. Honestly you are the best babe

I never thought that you would be this important to me, to think we were just high school acquaintances and you never put interest in me as long as I can remember. I never thought I’d be captured by your chickboy lines. You make me feel loved, you make me feel safe, but more importantly, you make me feel wanted. You are my soul mate, my best friend, my inspiration, and my love. Having your love has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I don’t care what others say about you and me. All I know is that I love you, and that will never change.

“THE BEST THING”. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I can only say this once and will never be again, but to you alone. I love you so much that I can’t imagine, you are the smile in my face…the tears in my eyes…you are the thoughts in my mind and my dream every night…you will never be anyone but you will always be my only one MAN. I will love you no matter what ’til the end of time. I love you so much babe.
I don’t usually feel the miles between us, but for some reason, tonight I do. I miss you babe, with every fiber of my being …. It’s not often that we find ourselves with so much time in between conversations but we still try to manage anyways. And as we knew from the beginning, life was going to interfere sometimes. But that’s when I remember just how blessed we truly are for the time that we do spend together our late chats and conversation over the phone makes it all more special, and I can only be grateful.

In times like this when I start to reflect on just how much you mean to me. That despite the thousands of miles between us, no two hearts could ever be closer. Not only do I feel blessed, but… I feel like I have been divinely favored. Out of all the people in the world, it’s as if God had picked you, just for me.

Just know EG that I love you. Yesterday, right this second, tomorrow, and all the days of my life it will always be you.

I wanted to tell you how much I love you. Even though we won’t see each other for hundred of days, it will be worth it. I want to spend every second of my life with you, but unfortunately we will have to wait for that to be a possibility. I promise that you won’t regret waiting because I will always love you more than any other person could love you and I mean it. So wait for me while I’ll wait for you too…okay?

God has got his own reasons for us to meet and come this far. But I hope our love will flourish beyond what it is right now. Distance maybe just a part of the reason why sometimes I think we can’t handle this whole relationship, sorry for being so negative about us all the time… but I am sure our love for each other is way far stronger than any oceans can come across. And I am hopeful of that now.

I may not be the perfect girlfriend you imagine me to be, but I wanted to assure you that behind all my imperfection I will always love you perfectly babe. I will surely not ruin our relationship and I will surely protect this love we had for each other. You mean everything to me. You are the best thing that happened into my life.

Thank you for loving me so much, appreciate it much and believe me I feel your love more than what you think. Sorry for being such a spoiled and pain in the ass girl friend most of the time. Sorry for being much of the negative thinker in our relationship, and sorry for worrying and thank you for the 100% patience babe, you may be right it’s hard to love a girl like me but I think you are getting used of loving me now.

I will always be yours no matter what the world turns out to be. My heart will always yearning for your love and care forever. I love you always.

Missing you Babe so much!!!! I guess what I’m saying is that before you, it seemed that I had nothing, and now I feel I have it all. And it is all due to you and you alone. Well, I should probably say that I love you and miss you and that this has got to be harder than anything that I have ever done, being this close to you but yet so far away. I love you Babe. You are my world. Life wouldn’t be life if not shared with you. We may be far away from each other for now, but you have my heart and my love. And I know that I have yours, too.

HAPPY MONTHSARY Babe (1 month and still counting)

Another Chance

If I was given another chance today being with you…I will do everything to be your girl.
If there would be one moment for you to tell me you have feelings for me…I definitely wont waste a time to tell you how much I still love you until now.
If I would be able to have those chance to prove and show you that I am not just the girl who supporta you all the way but the girl longing and wishing you to love me again.

If I am brave enough to tell you first that I love you…I would do it.

Dear You,

I always thought that we are always meant to be. That I am the Elena and you’re the Steffan (vampire diaries) in my life and whatever things go we will always end up into each other’s arms.  I always thought we ‘re like Snow and Charming (once upon a time) that tested by times and forever and always will find a way to have our happy ending.  Then it come into my mind maybe we are Candice and Gail (hunger games) best of friends and turn into lovers who will cherish each other. But then I come to my senses lately of my overthinking and illusion, because we could never be like them. Love and friendship won’t come in package for the two of us. For almost 4 years I know I am in love with you, maybe that feeling I have for you are the reasons why I fail for my past relationship but I don’t blame you for that…you have no fault it just happened you are that man my heart shouts. Well, for the 4 years of self-torture of waiting for my unrequited love to be paid off was worth it enough to give up wanting you. I know you are the biggest regret in my life; not wanting you back then was the biggest mistake of my life. Maybe it was the most coward thing I did back then. The moment you tell me you love me back in high school was the happiest and most frightening moments on my life. I feel like cloud 9 and the sun shines bright above us, yet the brightness of the sun covers my sight and I don’t like it. I was rational and logical back then love the one who loves you, never invest much feelings, never love someone more than you love yourself, and don’t care too much are those things I have taught you when it comes to love and I guess I failed as your love mentor back then because I fall for you much deeply as you fall for me once but for me it’s too late to realize that because you can never love me the way you love me before. After I cause emotional pain on turning you down I never thought of you being a good follower you listen to the words I’ve taught you when it comes to love. You were that lazy so I never thought of you making time to build walls on me. Maybe pain makes people change and I am your biggest lesson.  Just then that I realize we are like Allison and Scott (teen wolf) both first love but we are not meant to be and I am just trying to accept that fact little by little. At least we still saved that friendship. At least I get able to stay by your side not as your love but as your friend. So this time I am holding on a white flag saying I give up wishing for love but I won’t give up on our friendship.

How I Wish

I wish I was her, the girl you always talked about. I wish I was that person the one you dream of forever. I wish it was me, the one you’ve been looking for. How nice it would be for you to look at me not just a friend or a sister so. How nice would be our lovestory be if you let me in. How I wish you’ll fall for me too. How I wish you knew that all I fell is real. I know I’ve hurt you and yet you remain by me. I know I just let out chance swept away by the mistake of me. Yes, all this time I blame it all to me. If I could have been stronger and if I have faith in you…in us definitely I wouldn’t be living in my past right now hoping for you. I know you won’t love me again. I know that…so now I wish I can forget this feeling…this feeling that I love you.

Life is A Battlefield

We often think that life is a constant race of humanity, proving the worth of their existence and a never ending journey for power and fame. This is always part of human evolution who strived for superiority and a thirst for acceptance of the so called high class society.

A high pace race with no finish line, wanting to outrun each other…causing trouble and miseries to people and mostly to our selves.  This is the main reason why people think they fail life. When people give up a single chance of hope and when people drown in despair and self pity towards a race they should never entered.

Because life is simple, life is not a designed to have a race between each other. Life is not designed to outrun and over power someone. Our life is genuinely designed to make this world a better place, with our unique capabilities and personality. We are different from the way we look and think, just like the patter of our finger prints…there will never be something similar as it. We live with a purpose to be happy and to be us.

Life is not a race; it is more of a battlefield. There’s always some kind of turbulence, struggle and challenge in life. Sometimes you’re at war with yourself, sometimes it’s with others.  But life a battlefield of our own mind and how you see and perceive it, how it influences you, and, in the end, you are alone in your own mind and how that affects you. It is the process of mapping the likely consequences of choices, working out the importance of individual factors, and choosing the best course of action to take, following the basic rule on the battlefield “THY KNOW YOURSELF”.