This

 

I never hated you, I never will hate you. I always adore you from the very start you were always be the ideal guy I really wish God will grant to be mine. I always check your page time to time when I got a chance to log on the web. You always brighten up my day and you never fail to give me a smile. Yes, everything with you was amazing…but I have to end the beautiful dream I have with you.  I just really need to save myself first before doing crazy things and believing to myself that I am falling for you…because honestly right now I know I like you a lot. I need to step back because I know this fantasy won’t bring any good into it would just give me pain and sadness. The thing I am starting to be insecure, I never am insecure and so conscious on things about me but lately I am. I felt the being sad or mad because someone seems flirting at you. I feel jealous and hopeful that you’ll try to get to know me… I dreamed you’ll reconsider of me liking you.

But I just realize you will never fall for me, I know that since the beginning so I decided to stop infatuated feeling I felt fro you before it turnout into something more. I decided to stop and slowly having my affection just by myself tell such time this long infatuated feelings run-out.

I am selfish and I am saving myself so I choose to runaway…actually that is what I am good at.

3R BFF

3R BFF

 

“I screw up being your friend, I screw more being best friend but I screw most being a lover to you long time ago. “

You were something special to me ever since we met, we always come up crazy and funny things together and it never is dull when we are together. You always has been the sun in my life who brightens up my gloomy day and lightens up my heavy load..that’s why I am grateful to have  a best friend like you.

Our relationship screwed up a lot of times and somehow we still manage to get some broken pieces of us before, so I am telling you what is happening to us now.

REUSE, we choose to forget the past…we choose to move on and think that moment when we felt something seems so real between us is just part of a teenage feeling. So, we step out of the shadow of uncertainty about the feeling of being in love from the start and use what was really real into us and it is we are friends…best friends. We use again that endearment of ours as best friends and be just best friends without much of a confusion. I’m glad we reconsider everything.

REDUCE, we become best friends but we never then become best…we reduce the contact and the closeness we once have in the first place. Even I may say we reuse the friendship once we have there is a difference between now and before. Reducing maybe a good idea somehow it slowly helps us to move on and be more aware of the closeness we have and not to fall again. But I miss the old us, I miss how close we were and how much I would want to tell you everything and nag at you over the phone from my life dramas. Trust me my love miseries was all worth it because I have you to comfort me as always. I so sometimes thought before having a broken heart is a present because I know every moment I fall down you’re always there to help me. I miss that so badly.

RECYCLE, this is what I always wanted for us. But I don’t know which part of our live s should I recycle and start over again and I am not even sure if we can recycle our relationship because even how much I look at it from side to side it never isn’t going to work we never really move on to the pain I inflicted into you before. We are broken because of our own proceedings and yet we try and manage to reuse what’s life into us…but we reduce the things that once intact us and trying to recycle it would probably just a dream for me.

I wish healing a broken heart is like proper waste management…we can reuse, reduce and recycle it but it isn’t that easy and it isn’t that fast to forget and forgive and to be cautious again. Loving and maintaining a relationship is hard…harder than anyone would have thought it would be. 

to the future me

On being Twenty-1st

It’s almost 20 days for my countdown…after this I’ll be officially 21 well people would say it’s the mature age. To think of it I never consider myself as someone on twenty…I am still a little bit immature and afraid of the real world. Fears and pressure on this outside world frightens me most. I think I was a little kid whose first encounter on a haunted house would be excite in a place many people would found interesting but afraid on what might happen on the way.

Yes…21 indeed. I’ll be 21 and the future seems so foggy for me.  But I am full of hope that the future will bring happiness and fortune for me, I deserve something like that.

So I’ll just say hello for my future self then…but not for 21 but for my 24th. J

“hi self? How have you been for the last 2 years after you come to matured age? Well congrats on your graduation last 2014 and now currently I know you have your job, I hope you are loving it. Are now applying for overseas job or planning to pursue a masteral degree? Any decisions will be fine so decide now. At this moment did you find mr. right? Or are you ready enough to be in a relationship? Did you go on a road trip alone? It was your dream I hope you do…what was your route cdo-bukidnon bukidnon-davao.   Davao-gingoog-gingoog-camiguin? Are now planning for you Ilocos trip? How many did you save for your own trip, parents trip and your own trust fund…I hope you are doing well on your salary.  Did you invest in the stock market? Or plans for an inverstment? I know it’s too early but consider it now. “

 

Well I hope when I am reading this 2 years from now all my answer to my 21st self would be all YES.

 

(Lord be my guide)

If You’ve Never Failed, You’ve Never Lived

I’ve failed a many times…that is why I value every mistakes I’ve made and swore never to commit the same mistake again.

Engage Their Minds

It’s fun to look at the stats for this blog to get an idea of what interests people.  By far, some of my most popular posts are the ones that list some of my favorite inspirational videos for teachers and for students.  Of course, that has motivated me to continue to keep looking for more videos; obviously people are hungry for any kind of spark they can find to encourage themselves and others.

I recently came across the video embedded below, and thought it would go well with a discussion about mindsets.  Each of the people cited in the video displayed a Growth Mindset when faced with obstacles.  Do your students know each name and his or her story?  Can your students name more people who should be added?  Can your students give examples of times they, themselves,  overcame failure?

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I’m the kind of person who manages my emotions well

I am the one who knows how to handle and dwell

I’ve been a stone, apathetic and a froze

But I am tough and strong for more a doze

 

I was playing, running, stumble and fall

I didn’t imagine you will be my all

I avoided this feeling so drastically

‘Cause falling in love never ended magically

 

It’s been a push and pull for me

A truth or dare in my on lair

I am captive with my own trap

Lost in the game I’ve been playing for so long

 

Now I’ve found myself standing

Never know having a choice is so demanding

To move forward were I bet all I have in the way

Or to move backward were I’ll stay and pain won’t sway?

Never Been Better

Never Been Better

This is definitely for you…I know you don’t like me, but you’re decent enough not to say it to my face, so here I am trying to wake myself, stepping out of your shadows and accepting my fate. If it isn’t too tacky, I would ask you a few things before I leave, but I realized that it would hurt more if I knew the reasons why you never considered me though. So let me just cut the hound and utter it out. Tell me, why?

Is it because I am ugly? Fat? Unattractive? Or am I too intolerable? Am I too demanding and too much for attention? Have I been bad to you or have I said something to offend you or turn you off?

You know what, I would definitely wished for you to answer it.

It would be beneficial for my healing, and for me it wouldn’t  add insult to injury if I knew how unlikable I am, somehow it can help me wake up from the self  I think is good enough.

I feel so insecure right now to every girl who gathers up your attention…I never felt fear and defeat this way, to be honest, and I have to gather up myself because you never really considered the things I can do, and not choosing me means missing out on the great moments that I can make memorable. I’m pretty sweet you know I guess you can never see it superficially into me, I like to surprise, but I guess all these surprises I was thinking of giving you would just be reserved for someone who will appreciate it.

I am not bitter, if that is what you think, and this is not me being defensive for so, I just want you to know that I am okay with you not liking me, sure it’s painful for now somehow, but I know one day I’m going to wake up and just laugh about it because I’m going to wake up with someone better at my side. Beside I started everything for a simple childly joke so probably better end it with a side joke as well.

I like you, but I don’t love you. Love is so much different from like, I am infatuated by you for a hundred of attentions I put into you, but my feelings aren’t that strong to roll in the deep despair of losing you.

Sure we could have had it all, but having it all with you isn’t my fate. I know I am good enough for someone who can see who I am, with every baggage I carry on my shoulders, and I am certain that with your baggage right now you have this that and those, you can’t handle mine too.  So yeah, I hope you find someone who can jive in with you naturally.

Maybe you’ve gotten too complacent with my feelings and you’ve lost the challenge of having me because you knew that I am yours, almost.  I guess I am never a challenge to you most guys would love challenges though so maybe your one of those guys. Well, thank you…thank you for not seeing me as a lady but a child. I am mad of you being so good  at me, giving me false hope, saying sweet things to me making me think somehow you’ll fall for me too. Well, definitely some would appreciate that kindness you’ve shown but for me it’s not…I  hated it.

I am a bundle of joy (and drama sometimes) but mostly I laugh at small crazy things that you may think corny and crazy, and as I am writing these, it comes to me one by one, how uptight you are with your life and how I am judging you right now~ Hehe. It’s funny how I can laugh about this now while last night I was really sad about it.

Yes, I am sad, insecure and somehow so negative about having you…because I know I can’t be the girl you will like not now and not in the near future… not forever.  It makes me sad how much you care for me not to get hurt but the thing your kindness kills me each day…giving me more pretentious smile to make my day work.

I know I made this game so long, I somehow thought I couldn’t fell anything somehow but I feel jealous, annoyed and depressed when someone approaches you and you delightly approached them too ‘coz I know I am too far away from the line of choice. Yes, I maybe pathetic but I never consider myself unlucky…maybe this isn’t my time and you aren’t the one. This is what I am thankful instead maybe God is preparing me for someone great and more than you… or maybe still I am just paying my dept form Mr. Karma surely I have lots of paying moments to do.

So chill,  I am not the person who plants grudge and do revenge for not being wanted, That would just be awful, but let me tell you this; at this moment…you being good to me is… NEVER BEEN BETTER.