In times I lost somethings, I try to trace back every actions and steps I made so I can retrieve what I missed.
The hard things is I an still remember that moment where I lost you. it’s too painful and it’s to tedious, chaotic and unnecessary. Maybe because I know precisely where I misplaced you, but what I cant do is to dispose this feelings that I have for you formally.
It was a rough journey especially when I know that no one can help me about this. I know exactly what to do, but I have no guts to do it because I’m afraid that losing this memory will make me lose a part of me too.
For deep inside my heart, you are the best memory of love I ever had. The moment with you is how i felt what love really is.
Someone came along, but I am not yet ready, it takes time to heal, more than the physical would that bleeds, this feeling keeps bleeding even though it heals slowly every day.
But everything was all my fault, letting you go was part o my selfishness and cowardness. I made that mistake and it’s an erasable scare.
Could I say I am over you, Yes. But the thought of my feelings I shared with you, No.
I like how I felt, I miss that, but every time I try to feel it again with someone else, it brings you back. And I cant have you back again. No, not this time.
I lost my chance from the love I once wanted to tell you before. I lost the chance to be with you, for not telling you how I felt. For the most painful love is the love you’ve never tried to fight a love you never do an effort so.
I’ve learned a lot from what happened. I have recuperated and I am so much better now. Sure, from time to time, it aches still, but it’s tolerable now, I can smile again, I can laugh again. I am myself again.
One day at a time, I will be perfectly fine, I’ll buffer back to a hundred percent and I will be able to love again.
I will never rush things anymore because I know that all things worth having is worth the wait.
So long my almost lover…
Love will always be there… somewhere… It’s not really for me to find, but for me to encounter at the right place and at the right time.