The Moment You Throw Your Heart Away

I can’t remember the day when I started feeling tough, I can’t really recall those days I was a little girl, so found of happiness and love. I can’t remember when I have decided not to get too much attachment to people and not to care. I can’t remember. But I know I have decided to throw my heart away. In times I feel like I need to go back time and get were I place and throw my heart. I wanted somehow to collect all the pieces of my heart that I have thrown away. But again I thought that I have thrown my heart for a reason, I become this way for a much bigger reason and I know it’s for the goodness of myself. Yes, I am numb, apathetic to others and I am frank…I tell people what I think was right and must. I am strict and I only believe in second chances, I am more logical than instinctive. I am more idealistic and somehow more morale. I mad myself, strong, tough, wise, emotionless, positive and independent. I polish those skills so I can live alone and I can depend on myslef more. That is the reason why I throw my heart away, because I am afraid to lose myself in loving and caring. I don’t trust human capabilities to stay and love someone. I don’t believe in people’s feelings because I myself once have been foolish and stupid and it didn’t get well in handling people. Now I believe I am wise and tested through times. I may wish to have those feelings, to reach out for people and to show someone I love them, but this is the path that I am taking now, and the moment you throw your heart away I guess there’s no taking back.



For it’s This Way

My friends would tell me I am bitter, I guess bitter in a since that I always make jokes on love and loving and when I turn serious on that matter I always tell them the probability of falling in love. I know.I don’t believe in true love, destiny or fate and whatever they call it. Yes, I am NBSB which is NO BOYFRIEND SINCE BREAK-UP.  They say I didn’t move on, well they are all wrong ’cause I don’t care about that relationship at all and it’s so suffocating.

The thing in my mind right now why I am like this, is that I tend to believe in reality than hoping for a happy ending story because of of 10 love  stories only 3 ended up luckily. So, why waste my time with that little amount of possibility when I can enjoy life and fulfill my roles.

I am not closing my doors, it’s just I am searching for some feeling, feeling that is different from sympathy, like, compassion, infatuation of any feelings somehow often mistaken as love towards someone. I am searching for a feeling that I could finally find in an individual, no matter who he maybe and what he maybe, no matter how long or how far the journey of searching that feeling may thank I am willing to gamble it all, ‘casue for me that isn’t wasting my time it’s finding real happiness and peace towards someone and falling in love genuinely I want to have that and feel it in reality. 

And for me, I love living life this way! 😀

What to do?

He is online, and he liked my status which is hours ago.

Does it mean he’s checking on my account?

He used to like my stat and when he do, I would chat him and thank him, it’s been a routine since then.

But I stopped I realize something, I need to stay away and act uninterested in some point.

Why? because I don’t want to assume, that there is something behind his goodness in me. I don’t want to give any gesture a deeper meaning…much more or less I don’t want to fall because I know he won’t catch me if that happens. Why I know? Well, I just know.

So, before any foolishness and drama happens I just stop…but every time I see him online and liking my stat, I sometimes think of clicking his name and chat him.

But may other part would say to choose the safe and yet boring path. What to do? Well, I just writing everything, hoping sooner or later this crushing over him will disappear.

Best way though. 🙂

If You Are Not His Cindy

What if you found the Prince Charming of your life but you are not the Cinderella he is looking for?

Life has always been that way, we are attracted to those who are not attracted in to us. That’s the reality of life and that’s what makes it more fun and interesting. Along the journey we meet someone, someone we think was the one we are looking for. Those who are lucky found their Prince Charming in an instant but those who seems unfortunate enough turns out that their Prince Charming is a frog. Some may fall and lose hope finding the one but those who are strong will believe that somewhere out there their Prince is waiting on the other side.   So, what is in a struck you find him, the person you called “the one”? But he is just a meter away from you,he is too close yet too far from you or he never know you at all.  Those are some reasons why you are not the Cinderella your Prince Charming is looking for. But the question lies into you, will give it up? will you think of away Prince Charming will notice you? Will you become the witch? the wicked step sister? will you try and wait until he realize you are his Cindy? Will you find another Charming along the way? What will you do? What will you do to have Prince Charming when you are not the CINDERELLA he seeks?

Pause, Maybe You Have the Wrong Perspective

Do you have those negative feelings running into your mind? Do you think you are in a box or a room full of darkness and there’s no way to escape into? Are you trapped somehow in the past and you can’t move on? Do you feel unfortunate and thinks that all the bad luck of this world is pouring on you? Well, if that’s whats in your mind…then, PAUSE.  Then take a deep breath and think, then look around you look around the place at your normal view. The look at the crowd around, the tension on  people, the garbage and all. Frustrating right? Now find a higher place and begin to view things, maybe you’ll see birds, clouds, mountains and many more in that view. Then think again? that you are still in the same place but you see different views. That’s how we apply it to life, if you feel it’s messy then turn around and find a better and much wider perspective. Definitely you will be amazed what life really has to offer for you.

So starting from now find the light behind the walls, every room has doors and windows you can’t be into there if you didn’t use the entrance, so whatever darkness there is try to find it the door and the light…try to look things in a different perspective now for a happy and worth it life. 🙂

Look around and you will see the beauty of life.

Just Smile

Are you suffering from rejection? Did someone you love leave you? have you made a mistake? are you regretting something? or do you feel stupid and pathetic? All those negativity and loneliness coming into you at this moment just try to leave them all, pause for a while take a deep breath and SMILE.

Smile is the vehicle of all ambiguities, if you try to look into a person who smiles you feel relieve and happy. Well, that’s the power of a single smile coming from a person you know or may not know. Smile is a language which directly catches the eyes and straight to the heart. The power of smile is great and amazing, and we all have that. You have the power to make others happy and make your self happy.

So, whatever you have in mind right now negative or positive… JUST SMILE. We may have different smiles but it all means the same, so live life to the fullest and have a life without regrets learn from every mistakes and grow old and wise.

Don’t forget JUST SMILE 🙂